Social Media.

How much social media can one girl handle??

Penzu, (isn't really social but you know)

Pinterest

Facebook

Twitter

Tumblr

google+

seriously.. 

I think it's an addiction

I can't stop.

Someone send me a rope

A lifesaver

A floaty

A lighthouse.

Something.

I'm drowning in an ocean of 

Socialized Chaos!!

Honestly.

I'm usually so overwhelmed

Out of my mind

and out of control this time of year.

But strangely I feel at peace

I feel calm and in control..

Maybe it's the 300 mg Effexor and 10,000 ius of Vitamin D3

Whatever it is it's working!!! 

And I'm loving my life right now!

<3

The Road that Got me..

Here was a long 

winding road. 

It was narrow in places

and Wide with Baron land in others

There were Muddy Rivers

Ice cold lakes

And lots of Creatures from the woods

I'm making my way

one step at a time. 

and hoping I get where 

I need to stay. 

Go with my on my Journey to Grown.

I'm 26 now, I have 2 amazing kids

 a husband who is strong and Mighty

Meek and Mild

Lovely and Disgusting. 

But he holds my hand 

the whole way. 

No matter what I put him through.. 

I'm on my way out of the dense woods 

and Into the Light of the day. 

No Blog

Things have been looking up for me lately. 

Other than being horribly sick

Last weekend.

I really feel good. Not just Physically but emotionally

I lean on this blog when I'm down and Out.

For relief from the Waste Land 

My moods can be. 

So that's why I haven't been keeping up.

I feel good. 

I hope it lasts. 

Love 

Kat

Not knowing what is needed..

I'm Lost.. 

My brain has finally

managed to swallow

me whole.

My whole body...

Lost in the secret passageways

opening and closing 

the drawers and safes that 

have been tucked into all the dark corners of my mind.

knowing, that they shouldn't be open.

Remembering things that I thought weren't real

finding truths and witnessing the things that I have been hiding for so long..

I was triggered. 

MY stalker. 

The one who loosened the lug nuts on my car

when I was a junior in high school.

WEll I ran into him at 

Lowes.. 

I recognized his voice first

and then I turned around and I saw his face..

His horrible, scary face.

He smiled at me. 

And I turned around and grabbed my kids

and ran to my husband as fast as I could..

He knows I have kids now. 

and that scares me. 

All of the sudden I feel much less safe.. 

All of the sudden  I feel weak 

and control less over the power of my kids. 

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week. 

And I hope it helps me..

Because I am losing my freaking mind!!

Never Forget..

So many Lives Were Changed that day..

I know mine was..

Take a moment and listen to this.

Remember how you felt 10 years ago today

Remember what it felt like

When you saw those towers fall.

Remember what you thought

when you saw the pictures of Our 

Brothers and Sisters 

Digging each other out of the rubble

Remember the ringing in your ears

when you hear the word

Terrorist.

My life has never been the same.

My Children are going to only know

my memories.

God forbid they never have to experience something like this for themselves.

but through  history.

We know it's only a matter of time. 

Remember today.. 

Pray for our country. 

 

Who knew..

That every Damn thing we learned

in

Kindergarten

would be the most

important things we would EVER need to know

in our whole entire lives.

My Daughter Eliza went to Kindergarten this week.

She is so beautiful

Grown up

Brave

Intelligent

Witty.

She is {Mostly} a great friend

{and by mostly I mean if the people around her do what she wants them to do}

She is compassionate

Grateful

Proud

and Most of all

My very best friend in the whole world.

I miss her so much when she is at school for those 2 hours and 55 minutes.

anyway.

She was sent home today with all of her activity sheets that she did this week.

Her coloring pages

and number and letter tracings

her calender for the month

and notes from the teacher.

got this, and I NEVER in my life

looked at Kindergarten this way

but Its makes more sense to me

than breathing..

I hope you enjoy it..

by Robert Fulghum
- an excerpt from the book, All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten

All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten.
ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW about how to live and what to do
and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not
at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the
sandpile at Sunday School. These are the things I learned:

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some
and draw and paint and sing and dance and play
and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic,
hold hands, and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the styrofoam cup:
The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody
really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even
the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die.
So do we.

And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books
and the first word you learned - the biggest
word of all - LOOK.



Everything you need to know is in there somewhere.
The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation.
Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any of those items and extrapolate it into
sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your
family life or your work or your government or
your world and it holds true and clear and firm.
Think what a better world it would be if
all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about
three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with
our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments
had a basic policy to always put thing back where
they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you
are - when you go out into the world, it is best
to hold hands and stick together.

upage.. not downage

They uped my Effexor

and I am feeling soo much better

Its like a sigh of much needed relief.

I am able to function again

No more anxiety.

Debilitating Fear

Sounds of terror

Just normalcy.

Lightening Strikes..

and

I

Am

Dead

There is the most beautiful

thunderstorm happening out side

Its almost midnight

and I can't sleep

It been a Tumulteous weekend full of

Anxiety, Grief, Guilt,

The only thing that would ease the pain

would be

to be

taken into the clouds and electrified

With light..

The Clashing thunderous booms to follow.

And I would fall to the ground

Into a garden and wake up in heaven

with sunshine on my face.

Peace in my heart

and rest in my soul.

Knowing my babies owuld be safe

In the arms of their daddy

and his heart would be released of the

stresses I bring.

As I Lay me Down to Sleep



ugh..

I wish I didnt 

Hate

my life so much.. 

I just want to

Die.

   my life is being ruled by

everyone

but me

 

Feelings..

Today I feel..

Mournful

If you have never felt that way

let me give you an insight into

what it feels like..

I have been spending the last few weeks

horribly depressed..

Like a big grey cloud is hanging over me

and I'll I can feel on my face

is cold wet rain.

Desperate for sunshine..

Yester I felt

Happy..

Today,

I am mourning

the glimpse of happiness

Knowing its not going to come back for

a while..

I spend at least 90% of the year

Drowning in sadness..

and 10% of it happy.

Those days are few and far between.

Yesterday was one of those.

I was glad to be with my husband

Happy to be with my kids

and Exhilirated to know

I had made it to another happy day

If I can just harness the happiness

and use it all year.. maybe for 5 minutes

a day

I wouldnt be so miserable..

But here I am..

Grey Clouds in my forecast..

Until the next time..

I see sunshine.

realizations..

#1 Nothing is Ever as it seems

#2 I am never going to be happy.

Never.

Not because nothing makes me happy.

But because Emotionally I cannot

grasp the Emotion. 

#3 Death is becoming less of a joke to me

#4 We will never be who "they" want us to be

we will only be who we are

#5 Life isn't what you make of it.

Its what you Create it to be.

#6 My husband is amazingly amazing.

He will stand by me even when I am standing on 

the ledge about ready to jump off.

#7 I'm never going to be free of guilt

Guilt is the only true emotion I EVER feel.

Guilt because I was unable to change the past

Guilt for not standing up for her, when I knew No one else would

Guilt for allowing my emotions to override my brain

Guilt for Making him sick with grief because I can't be happy 

with who I am. 

#8 My children Might not always love me.

But NO matter What. I will love them

And they will always have a place to come home to when

life gets the best of them

#9 I might not be the best teacher,

But I love with abandon and my children with

realize my shortcomings come from love

#10 Anxiety takes over my brain. 

and I realized that Sometime I need it to.

It allows me to reboot and prioritize in order to make it stop. 

Anxiety is my Kryptonite. 

But unlike Superman. I can get back up

Happy Birthday Lucy

I

Love

Lucy



is

Finally writing that short story thats been floating around in my head for months..
Sections to come.. Be prepared for Greatness!!

Dear Alka-Seltzer

You fail me..

I have the worst cold

and you have not come to my aid.

Your Blue liquid that finds its home

in your Blue Liquid Gels 

Hold no Solace for me.

Your Green Liquid

Gives me no relief 

that sleep brings.. 

Your are no longer my friend.

and I no longer share my 

hard earned money

with your share holders..

In the wise words of Alfalfa..

"You are the scum between my toes"

Love,

 Kat

I hate days like today..

Feeling

hush a bye

Don't you cry



Amy Winehouse...

sad day  RIP

Dear Female Population........

Over the age of 8

Side Ponytails are for 

chidren and 80's pop stars..

Please refrain from them..

You look like an idiot..

you are not on the set of

Napoleon Dynamite

You are not wearing 

a Warm up suit

or Leg Warmers..

Please be kind 

to man kind

and center the pony

in the back of you head..

That Is all...

Please Leave a message after the beep..

I'm feeling completely disconnected

From my soul

Heart

Mind

Body

I feel overwhelmed with 

grief that I cannot trace back to the source

I am having nightmares

and bad dreams

Waking up in sweats scared to close my eyes 

too scared to be taken away 

into the night of my dreams

Where I am being 

chased by creatures of the night

and Death

Where the boat to the underworld

is ready for me to board.

I can feel myself dissengaging

Folding myself inward

hiding.

Dissassociation

dismissal of me

and the return of the scared little girl

I hide so well inside

I need a flashlight..

To shine the light on

What I know isnt really there..

I know I should be asleep..

But I cant give into it..

Secrets

Shhh

Tell me all of your secrets

And I'll share mine too

I'm a girl of many pasts

The one who did and didn't do 

more than one cares to admit..

I spend my days

Dreaming of a better life..

Secret #1

I love my kids more than anything in this world.

they are the reason I breath,..

But I hate being a mother.

Secret #2

I'm terrified I'm going to be just like my mother

Lonely, Angry

with a feeling of entitlement

that isnt deserved

I don't want to be her

But  shes knocking on my door.

Secret #3

I secretely wish I could have 2 nights 

to do whatever I want.

To be single 

To be free

To do what I want

and have no consequences.. 

Secret #4

I wish I was brave enough

to kill myself.

I hate who I am

Who I was suppose to be

breaths down my neck

and every opportune moment 

I have, I pray for bravery

So I can make the leap to 

nonethingness

Secret #5

I don't know 

If I really believe in god

I say I do,

I pray I do..

But really I dont know.

I've never felt the light of Christ.. 

Secret #6

I would rather be drunk then be sober

Without the Hangover...

Now I told you 6 of mine, 

You have to tell me 6 of yours.. 

Ready

Set

Go

Extraordinarily Ordinary..

=)

 

I'm feeling Ordinary today

I dont feel sad

I dont feel overwhelmed

I dont feel fat

I dont feel thin

I dont feel like sleeping

I dont feel like crying

or screaming

Or throwing myself off of a cliff

I feel like me..

Which is Extraordinary for me

So today, 

I'll be just that

Extraordinarily Ordinary

When I wake up.

I want to be 100lbs lighter

With Whiter teeth

with prettier hair

with the ability to

perfect Motherhood. 

When I wake up

I want to march to my own beat

I want to paint a picture of

where I use to be. 

When I wake up

I want the summer to burn my face

The birds to Sing in my ear

and be Warm with Perfect Grace

When I wake up

I want to be strong enough to hold on tighter

Be brave enough to fight longer

When I wake up

I want to remember

who I was

Remember What I was

And forget the things I am never going to be

When I wake up I want 

you to kiss me on the forehead

and pull my eyelids shut.. 

When I wake up

I want to be relieved from the fright

the pain

the horror of my thoughts

I want to be lifted into light

When I wake up,

Don't Cry for me.

I'll wake up with peace and serenity

I'm laying down to be forever gone

Dont miss me too much.. 

Because When I wake up. 

I'll be where I was meant to. 

Where Purity and Honesty

Compassion and dignity 

hold true.

I'll be pure.. 

knowing what I know..

It makes me feel better

knowing that I have someone in my

life that has the same

Craziness in their head

as I do in mine..

It makes the my problems

seem alot more managable.

Thanks for being so honest..



Screaming to remember

With all of the craziness I have in my head all the time. 

The noise

The Death

The Fear

The struggle

Its really really easy to forget who and what I live and Breath for..

I got a great reminder tonight by a certain 5 year old.. 

Lady E: "Mom do you work tomorrow?"

Mom: "Yes I do from 8am-3pm"

Lady E: "Mom, thats a long day will you be to tired to have fun?"

Mom: "I'm never to tired to have fun with you and Xand"

Lady E; "Mom, When you get home let's clean the bathroom. Thats fun. 

I'll clean the toilet, brother can clean the shower and bath tub and you can 

clean the counter so you dont get too tired from all that working"

Mom; "Sounds like a good plan Sis"

Lady E: "I sure dont like it when you work, but I'm sure glad when you get home"

Mom: "sometimes a moms gotta do what a moms gotta do"

Lady E; "When I'm a mom, I'll gotta do what you gotta do. But you do a good job

So I think I'll be okay" 

Mom:" I KNOW you'll be okay"

Love you sis.. 

Love you mommy. 

See you tomorrow. 

Good night..

My children are the reason I breath

They literally are the air that gives me breath and 

the blood that makes my heart beat to sustain mylife another day. 

I am so grateful for their light

That shines through my darkness

and the Love that shatters barriers and allows me to be free

from my obsessions and fears.. 

Is it Fall yet?!

As much as I love the warmth of summer on my face

The taste of yummy summer vegetables

from my garden.

The Chirp of birds, 

the burn of the sun against my skin..

I long for 

I love my kids

But I love them more when they are at school!!!

I love it when I pick them up from their bus

and hug them and ask them how their day was

I love hearing there little feet running to the bus

I love getting report cards

and reminders of how smart they are.

I Dont love the

constant, 

"i'm hungry, I'm bored!!

This is me.. RIGHT NOW!!

welcome to summer Vacation..

Kill Me Now!!!!

word vomit

I feel like just throwing up words...

Just screaming them into my pillow..

Throwing them up and then watching them drown in the toilet.

I feel like writing them down and setting them ablaze..

Start the fire..

Feel the heat on my face

as my painful words 

turn to ash.

Ashes to send down the overflowing river

to a cold grave.

ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust.. 

Letting go of the hate in side me that the words 

You say bring. 

Weighing me down like an pair of led shoes in a deep ocean.

Pulling me into the darkness. impossible to get off. 

Losing are.. Suffocating by and ocean of 

hate.. a river of denial.. a Lake of self-pity..

YOU make me do this..

YOU make me want to cut into my legs 

YOU make me want to pull out my hair

YOU make me not sleep.

YOU make me want to die.. 

Struggling with words lately..

I'm at a loss of words today..

A million tiny word magnets are stuck to my soul

 but none of them forming complete sentences.. 

just fragments of fear

Loathing

hopelessness

My mind is like a buffet

full of bits of this and bits of that

when food is pilied high on a plate

it makes a meal

but when it is lying in the hotel pans with 

boiling water and steamed filled stress

they are just lonely bits of mushy over cooked word fragmants

Needy

Nosy

Hopeless

Sad

Overwhelmed

Unloved

Incapable

Prejiduce

but most importantly 

Scared

I need a brain hug..

someone to lift its spirit. 

To pull my thoughts out of the dark place they frequent

and into the light. 

Out of despair.

Into 

Hopefullness

If you died tomorrow..

What Legacy would you leave??

so..

Put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls.

Thanks Audrey, for reminding me how Glamorous

Being a women can be..

I forget sometimes..

Who say's

Who Cares..

Shut your mouth

Your opinion holds no barring on who I am

Where I am going

and Who I will become.. 

Get?

Got it?

How to NOT Put my {scary} thoughts into action..

Or more appropriately titled.

 How to {Not} Commit a Murder/Suicide on a Sunday morning.. (or any morning for that matter)

My thoughts have been wildly out of control these last few weeks.

I am in constant Crippling fear of the most horrifying death imaginable..

MY Children Drowning in an over Flowing Freezing cold Fast moving river.

MY husband dying in his sleep, or in a car accident on his was home from work.

My Little sister being thrown down a flight of stairs to her doom.

MY older sister O.D. on some god forsaken drug that she hasnt touched in years..

My little brother being stabbed to death by a stranger looking for a fight.

ME. All Alone, Hulling myself up in a closet that only has one key.. and that key being lost..

Having to deal with the Anger, Sadness, Frailness, insecureness, hopelessness but most of all the Greif. The

Lonliness that comes with Loss.

I've gotten pretty good at holding it in. But today It has barreled down on me like a rogue wave, Waiting to

sweep me under the current and carry me into the abyss.

I realize the craziness in my head.. The thoughts that make me want to protect my family from the unknown..

ITs not right.. I'm not right today..

Thank you God that today is soon turning into tomorrow..

and hopefully I can bed the grief that is all consuming..

I KNOW I'm safe.. I KNOW my kids are safe..

 

 

 

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

 

So Put on your Best Boys and I'll Wear My Pearls

Randomness... Again.. For the Upteenth Time.

I'm way too tired to even been typing or staring at this computer screen right now.

I'm too tired to sleep. 

Too Tired to dream. 

Too tired to do anything but lay wide awake in my bed. 

Yawning uncontrollably. 

But alas,

Here I am. 

Using my as usual poor grammer.

Bad Spelling 

and horrible writing skills on 

a blog full of absolutly nothing important. 

I just feel like writing.

Putting my disorganized Chaotic thoughts in print.

If I didnt get writers cramp so bad I would write in a journal.

my hands are tired from gardening today.

We planted 15 different varieties of vegetables today.

My fingernails are caked with dirt and I was far too lazy and sunburnt to shower.

Gross.

I know. 

I'll shower in the morning. 

I made potato salad for my husband

per his request to put in tupperware and take it with him to work tomorrow.

Its his favorite. 

It makes me feel really good that he loves what I cook for him.

Our marriage has been more on point in the last 3 months 

than it has been in the last 8 years.

We finally realize how much we want/need/love to be with eachother.

Which is a weird feeling.

I got married because it was the next step in our relationship.

We dated. Got pregnant. and couldnt really go anywhere 

 But up.

We are perfect...

He is perfect.

I quit my job 

and then my boss and bosses boss asked me to come back.

Said I was an "asset:" to the team.

It was a nice thought. 

I accepted. 

Tomorrow is my last day off before I work 5 in a row. 

I dont think I have ever worked 5 days in a row in my life! 

I hope I dont get too tired and cranky. 

No one needs that. 

especially me. 

Being cranky is overwhelming. 

Tiring

and just plain lame. 

so I will put my best foot forward 

and do my best to be happy. 

I need to smile more. 

Maybe it will make my double chin go away. 

Or not.

Who knows. 

On that note..

I'm going to try and not wake my husband up

with my uncontrollable snoring

that was suppose to get better when they 

fixed my deviated septum.

But got unexceptionably worse. 

Poor Jason. 

GOOD NIGHT MOON!

That's It! I quit! I'm moving on!!

I quit my job.

I hated it.

I cried. 

Yelled

Stressed

Grumped 

and Finally had enough.

So I quit.. 

and now I'm jobless

Motivation-less

and just plain lazy..

Go me!

about time.

MAy 17th cant come soon enough

Finally

Justice for Caylee. 

I cannot wait for this trial to start..

Caylee deserves justice..

 

 

Casey Deserves A fate worse than death

tired..

I'm feeling..

Tired 

But happy.

Overwhelmed with love

by my kids and husband.

So lucky to be a Mother.

Grateful for my mother

Grandmother

Mother-in-law

and sisters. 

MY kids are the reason why I breath

I am so lucky

Happy Mothers day everyone

Call your mom

Kiss you babies Mama

and be grateful for those in your life. 

goodnight all.

{Insert FacePalm Here}

As you may have noticed 

it's been quite a while since my last post. 

Well, Its not out of Laziness

Or Writers block.

Its out of pure timelessness!!

I posted a month or so ago about my husband 

quitting his job.

Well its been a while so I thought.

"I'll get a job to help out"

WHAT WAS I THINKING??

I am 26 years old and have maybe worked a total of 3 part time years

Since I was old enough to work. 

By part time I mean like once or twice a week for 3 years TOTAL!!

-Insert Laughter here-

I know. 

I have been amazingly blessed with a husband

who works hard to make sure his family doesnt go without

We wanted for nothing. 

Always had money for this or that. 

 

Well I started my full time job last wednesday 

I have worked a total of 31 hrs since then. 

doesnt seem like alot to you?

  Well its a lot to me.

You may think

"well you were a stay at home mom for 8 years thats a job in and of itself"

your right it is a job.,

But If I had a boss I would have been canned after sleeping in until 11.

feeding my kids cold cereal every morning 

and forgetting to do laundry for a week or so.

{Worst SAHM EVER!}

My feet hurt. My back hurts.

My brain hurts and I am so tired I could go to bed right now

and sleep until Sunday.. 

I know, I know. 

Whiner Whiner Whiner.

Go ahead call the WHAAAAMBULANCE I would appreciate a 

involuntary committal to a nut house!!

I'm schedualed to work 39 hours this week. 

 Bring it on. 

I think..

Grrrrr...

It's a good thing these three

are so Lovely. 

Or I might KILL myself!!

Just a run down,

The Big boy is my son

Xander

The little lady is my daughter

Eliza

And the little baby is my nephew

Austin. 

He is refusing to go to sleep

because he misses his mom and dad.

Oh the hardships of a 10 month old.. 

Sigh..

Life...

Or something Like it..

So was just kind of reading through my blog

and realized the last 10 or so posts

have just been me bitching about 

how bad my life sucks..

Whaaaa whaaaa whaaaa

Bitch

Moan

Wine. 

So instead of going with the theme of it all

I decided that tonight I will get back to the things I am TRULY Happy about..

On March 2nd my husband quit his job.

{total life buZz kill if you ask me}

But it actually has been the best thing 

to happen to our family in a long time

He has spent the last 5 years underground Coal Mining. 

Spending a year and a half of that time

Commuting back and forth from either Colorado or Wyoming/

Which is between a 3 and 5 hr commute for him.

He would leave Sunday afternoon and come home 

Friday morning. 

Needless to say I only saw him 2 and a half days a week,.

It was so hard on us.

Our kids

and just life in General.

So after much discussion he quit. 

I am so glad he is here.

our kids are happy he is here. 

Life is just so much better now.

WE are still jobless. Moneyless. Lifestyless

But We are Together. 

I'm Just feeling extremely blessed about everything. 

Plus I got a job.

Not the most Glamorous job for a Grown Women 

But a job. 

And Jason is SOOO excited about being the stay at homer now

Until he finds a job.. 

Heres hoping he is a better Mom

than I am. 

Or my kids are IN TROUBLE!! 

&hearts;

gah.

Ambien makes  me crazy when i stay up...
I think i need to go to bed before i start
seeing imagniariums that are imaginary.
but before I go to sleep my wounds away.
I must share some wisdom from the parts of
my brain that comes alive when i speak.

The heart knows that the heart knows.
But the brain knows everything.
listen to the heart with restraint. it only wants to destroy you.
Listen to the brain with reason and understanding.
It wants to nourish your body with pure things.
I only want pure things.

Feeling

meh. gah. omg. wtf.

I am amazing.. 

Dont forget it.

Something More!!

Ever feel like you deserve more than what you get out of life?

Not in the "i'm superior" I'm better than you

so I deserve more than you.

But in the I'm a good person 

and the only thing that happens to me is Shit.

I just want to scream at the top of my lungs

"THERE HAS GOT TO BE SOMETHING MORE!"

Dear Life..

"PAY UP SUCKA"

Life.

Dying for something sacred.

Is worth More than Living for nothing.

My life might not mean anything

but my Death will mean everything

hrmm..

I am struggling today.

Feeling OVERwhelmed and UNDERappreciated..

I wish that there was a way that it could be the other way around.

You know, UNDERwhelmed and OVERappreciated

I went to a little thing the other night

about Motherhood.

we talked about everything from

the guilt we feel

to the joy that we get..

To be perfectly honest

I dont really feel guilty about my parenting.

I feel like my kids are going to be okay.

Xander Cries alot, Eliza can be down right mean.

But you know.

They are going to grow up just the way they are meant too.

But I can say one thing.

I HATE motherhood..

I love bieng a mom.

But I hate all the other parts that come with it

I wish I could just snuggle with my kids.

laugh with them

kiss them and get kissed.

I wish I could trade the long nights in for other things

The cries and whines for laughter.

I wish it were easy.

I wish it weren't thankless.

I wish i felt peace and satisfaction from it

But i dont.

I'm tired. Overwhelmed. unsatisfied.

Whats the matter with me?

Anyone else out there with the same sentiments?

Does anyone else out there wish their kids could call them Auntie instead of Mommy.

Wish That the love was there and less of the responsibility to rear Capable human biengs?

As a Mom we wear many hats.

Cab Driver, Chef, Maid, Therapist, Guiding light,

Nurse, Coach, Teacher..

I wish I could take them all off now and again

and Let my hair down.

I know who I am when I'm not around my kids.

I'm Kat

But when I'm around them..

I'm Mom.

Motherhood is HARD!!!

Wishing for a Break.

soooo TRUE

Randomness

So When I get really bored

I will go to Google Images and just type in a word

and see what comes up. 

Today I Typed in Yesterday. 

Heres What Google Images Gave today. 

Ballerina..

You are so Beautiful. 

 

 The Title to this picture is 

"Ashes of Yesterday"

Thought it was pretty good. 

If you dont know what this is you are 

FIRED!!

I'll give you a hint.. 

Oh, I believe in Yesterday" 

Love this.. 

Have a good Today..

Because at midnight. 

Today is Yesterday. 

:)

Day 16!!

Something you are looking forward too..

Once upon a time

there was a girl who turned 26 in march of 2011.

One day as she was living her life

going day to day

doing the same ol thing

day in and day out,

She realized

that in the 26 years she has lived on the earth

22 years of it has been spent living

in her parents basement..

Her and her husband have been married for

almost 8 years and only 31/2 years of that

they spent living in their own house.

The girl dreams of one day

owning her own castle

with a big draw bridge

and a mote..

But for now, the girl will spend her time

doing the same thing day in and day out..

The End..



Why?!

Someone asked me why I blogged.. 

In the Words of Ms. Kate from 

United States of Tara

"Read it Or Don't I dont care. I'm not doing this for you,

I'm doing it for me. Know Why?

None O' your bidniss!!"

My family..

Day 14!!

My family Consists of the following.

My Dad

Buster he is one of a kind.

Amazingly Mechanical

A little overwhelming

But a GREAT GRANDPA!!

My Mom

Susan.

She is very Smart.

Too smart for her own good.

A GREAT GRANDMA!

My Older Sister

Kristina.

She is a good big sister

a GREAT mother.

She is secure with who she is

and she doesnt care what

people think.

My little sister

Sabrina

She is a Pistol

She knows what she wants

and isnt afraid of what it takes to get there.

Everyone says Eliza is just like her

If Eliza turns out like Her Aunt Bina

She will be in good shape for her life.

Little Brother

Buster

(Buzzy)

He is a handful and a half

Full of love

He is so funny and Caring

I wish I saw him more. 

30 Day Blog Challenge!!

Day 13!!!

7 eye shadows

Blue, Silver, Amber, Brown,  Purple, Moonstone, Brown Matte

1 Shimmery Powder Eyeshadow

1 cheek stain

1 Mary Kay Ultimate Mascara in Jet Black

1 Firming Eye Cream

1 Day Solution Face Moisture

1 liquid Shimmer

1 Powder Shimmer

1 Mary Kay Highlighter Pen. 

Lots of Brushes. 

:)

This is just the stuff that is in my everyday makeup bag.

I am an over-indulger of makeup 

and hair products.. 

My poor husband. 

And basically I should be a Mary Kay Spokesperson

i got a good deal on the makeup. 

:)

Just wanted to share..

.. How amazingly adorable my Lady E is!

Elizabeth Taylor..

"Big girls need big diamonds."

(1932–2011)

Change.

Have you ever thought,

"If someone did this or that, the world would be a better place?"

Have you ever looked at a piece of trash on the ground and said

"If someone would just pick up the trash the world would be much prettier?"

I been guilty of thinking such things. 

I have been guilty of passing judgement on other people

without looking in the mirror.

I have always wondered why the world 

is in such a Disaster.

It always have been.

Since Biblical times

people have been fighting over this or that for ever.

Wonder why?

Do you think that WE (as in you and me)

can change that?

Mahatma K. Ghandi once said

"You must be the change you want to see in the world"

That doesn't mean we have to Protest 

or go around the world preaching.

To me it means 

Being the "change" I want to see in my life.

My world.

I raise my kids in a non-judgement zone.

They are taught to love everyone.

To see people for who they are.

Not where they are from,

or what they do.

Befriend, Not Belittle..

Equality is the pathway to peace.

I think we all can be the change.

Love as you want to be loved.

Teach Tolerance

and

Kindness

I want to live in peace.

I want to live in Love.

I just want to say one thing before I go.

I am Pro-Life, Pro-Marriage, Pro-Gay

Pro-Different, Pro-peace

Pro-Love

PRO-HUMANITY.

Let's Be the "change" 

Day 13

Something I am afraid of

If you are an "avid" reader of my blog

you already know that I have 

Obsessive Compulsive Thinking Disorder

I constantly think about death and other things.

I am scared of the "unknown"

What happens after 

What happens before

What happens to my family

What happens to the world.

I am scared to death of change.

I will live in one place and never leave if it

means I dont have to adjust to a new enviornment.

I don't know. 

I'm a crazy person. 

DAY 12!!!

A Picture of me from 10 years ago.

All of my pictures are in storage soo sorry. 

:)

Day 11!!

Favorite Shows..

If I'm not asleep I am Watching TV

 My DVR Runs at between 80-90% full

constantly recording from

7-10 pm 

sun-Frid.

OBSESSED 

doesnt even begin

to describe..

Here are just a few!!

no holds barredblogging.

Japan. Lybia. Tsunamis. Earth Quakes. Super Moons..

Things are getting scarier and scarier

by the day.

I am scared of whats to come for the world.

the USA

and my Family..

I pray for peace

I hope for settlement

I wish for Security.

I know none of it is a Promise

Just Hoping.

I hope everyone gets sleep.

Gets prepared

and mostly

Gets Love.

Because Love conquers All.

Even Death.