What it takes to do what I do everyday.

Acting Skills, Teaching Skills, Writing Skills, Healing Skills, Reading Skills, Math Skills, Cooking Skills, Believing in the impossible skills. And most importantly Binge Drinking Skills.
Not everyone can do it.. and only the Greats
(Like me) can do it well.. Being a Mother, A wife, A lover, a fighter, a Narrator, A director, a teacher of fine human skills is hard work.. And this is how I do it. Or try anyway.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Dear Female Population........

Over the age of 8

Side Ponytails are for 
chidren and 80's pop stars..

Please refrain from them..
You look like an idiot..

you are not on the set of
Napoleon Dynamite


You are not wearing 
a Warm up suit
or Leg Warmers..

Please be kind 
to man kind
and center the pony
in the back of you head..


That Is all...

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Please Leave a message after the beep..

I'm feeling completely disconnected
From my soul
Heart
Mind
Body
I feel overwhelmed with 
grief that I cannot trace back to the source

I am having nightmares
and bad dreams
Waking up in sweats scared to close my eyes 
too scared to be taken away 
into the night of my dreams

Where I am being 
chased by creatures of the night
and Death
Where the boat to the underworld
is ready for me to board.

I can feel myself dissengaging
Folding myself inward
hiding.

Dissassociation
dismissal of me
and the return of the scared little girl
I hide so well inside
I need a flashlight..

To shine the light on
What I know isnt really there..
I know I should be asleep..
But I cant give into it..

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Secrets

Shhh
Tell me all of your secrets

And I'll share mine too

I'm a girl of many pasts
The one who did and didn't do 
more than one cares to admit..
I spend my days
Dreaming of a better life..

Secret #1
I love my kids more than anything in this world.
they are the reason I breath,..
But I hate being a mother.

Secret #2
I'm terrified I'm going to be just like my mother
Lonely, Angry
with a feeling of entitlement
that isnt deserved
I don't want to be her
But  shes knocking on my door.

Secret #3
I secretely wish I could have 2 nights 
to do whatever I want.
To be single 
To be free
To do what I want
and have no consequences.. 

Secret #4
I wish I was brave enough
to kill myself.
I hate who I am

Who I was suppose to be
breaths down my neck
and every opportune moment 
I have, I pray for bravery
So I can make the leap to 
nonethingness

Secret #5
I don't know 
If I really believe in god
I say I do,
I pray I do..
But really I dont know.
I've never felt the light of Christ.. 

Secret #6
I would rather be drunk then be sober
Without the Hangover...

Now I told you 6 of mine, 
You have to tell me 6 of yours.. 
Ready
Set
Go

Extraordinarily Ordinary..


=)
 
I'm feeling Ordinary today
I dont feel sad
I dont feel overwhelmed
I dont feel fat
I dont feel thin
I dont feel like sleeping
I dont feel like crying
or screaming
Or throwing myself off of a cliff
I feel like me..

Which is Extraordinary for me

So today, 
I'll be just that

Extraordinarily Ordinary

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

When I wake up.

I want to be 100lbs lighter
With Whiter teeth
with prettier hair
with the ability to
perfect Motherhood. 

When I wake up
I want to march to my own beat
I want to paint a picture of
where I use to be. 


When I wake up
I want the summer to burn my face
The birds to Sing in my ear
and be Warm with Perfect Grace

When I wake up
I want to be strong enough to hold on tighter
Be brave enough to fight longer

When I wake up
I want to remember
who I was
Remember What I was
And forget the things I am never going to be
When I wake up I want 
you to kiss me on the forehead
and pull my eyelids shut.. 
When I wake up
I want to be relieved from the fright
the pain
the horror of my thoughts
I want to be lifted into light

When I wake up,
Don't Cry for me.
I'll wake up with peace and serenity

I'm laying down to be forever gone
Dont miss me too much.. 
Because When I wake up. 
I'll be where I was meant to. 

Where Purity and Honesty
Compassion and dignity 
hold true.
I'll be pure..