What it takes to do what I do everyday.

Acting Skills, Teaching Skills, Writing Skills, Healing Skills, Reading Skills, Math Skills, Cooking Skills, Believing in the impossible skills. And most importantly Binge Drinking Skills.
Not everyone can do it.. and only the Greats
(Like me) can do it well.. Being a Mother, A wife, A lover, a fighter, a Narrator, A director, a teacher of fine human skills is hard work.. And this is how I do it. Or try anyway.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Not knowing what is needed..

I'm Lost.. 
My brain has finally
managed to swallow
me whole.
My whole body...
Lost in the secret passageways
opening and closing 
the drawers and safes that 
have been tucked into all the dark corners of my mind.
knowing, that they shouldn't be open.

Remembering things that I thought weren't real
finding truths and witnessing the things that I have been hiding for so long..

I was triggered. 
MY stalker. 
The one who loosened the lug nuts on my car
when I was a junior in high school.
WEll I ran into him at 
Lowes.. 
I recognized his voice first
and then I turned around and I saw his face..
His horrible, scary face.
He smiled at me. 
And I turned around and grabbed my kids
and ran to my husband as fast as I could..
He knows I have kids now. 
and that scares me. 
All of the sudden I feel much less safe.. 
All of the sudden  I feel weak 
and control less over the power of my kids. 

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week. 
And I hope it helps me..
Because I am losing my freaking mind!!


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