What it takes to do what I do everyday.

Acting Skills, Teaching Skills, Writing Skills, Healing Skills, Reading Skills, Math Skills, Cooking Skills, Believing in the impossible skills. And most importantly Binge Drinking Skills.
Not everyone can do it.. and only the Greats
(Like me) can do it well.. Being a Mother, A wife, A lover, a fighter, a Narrator, A director, a teacher of fine human skills is hard work.. And this is how I do it. Or try anyway.

Friday, November 5, 2010

The soothing of a Soul..




Have you ever just prayed (to whomever you believe in) for a soul soothing session?
I know I have... I've prayed for Relief. I've Prayed for Sanctuary, I've prayed for Amnesty.. and whenever I do, relief comes in the form of a song..
For those of you who know me, and those who don't. I am a musician. (Kinda of) I sing, I play the violin, I write lyrics, Make up tunes. and I listen to music all day everyday.  I get so lost in it.
For example, I cleaned the house im living in from Top to bottom.. Which I'm sure hasn't happened since the late 1980's Which is when my parental units moved into this Lovely house.. I turned on my Ipod and just cleaned. It made 8 hrs of cleaning feel more like 2...

I eat, sleep and Breath music..
I hear it in everything I do. I hear it in the fall, the quivering leaves falling to the ground. The thunderstorms of a late spring evening, The sound the microwave  makes when the turntable is on. The sound of my children s laughter.  That is where I find my Relief.. Through the music and sounds of living my life everyday.

I have obsessive compulsive thinking disorder.
I constantly think about death.. I recognize the craziness in my words.. I cannot just turn it off, I cant think of something else.. I cant breathe and move on. Its impossible.. It gets so bad sometimes that I am frozen with fear, cannot get out from under the protection of my comforter. I cant unfasten my seat belt in the car and I sit in the driveway in park without being able to move.  I keep a pair of headphones handy at all times. So when im drenched in fear I can turn on my mp3 player on my phone and just listen.. Thats the only time my thoughts stop. I get lost in the beat of the drums.. The vibrato in the Violin. My brain lets go of fear and peace runs through my body like an iv full of morphine.. The weight is lifted and I can move on.. Today is one of those days.. Fear is being forced out by music.. Ill hang onto it until i fall asleep tonight.. So today I pray for batteries to hold strong, and Peace.. Peace...
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