stomach ache..

My Stomach is in knots.

I'm so nervous about my Surgery.

It's making me sick.

I keep getting called a

"drama queen" or a "baby"

But its not that.

I am a singer.

Music = Life

However small the percent

that my voice will change

Or that I will lose it all together

the fear of that .000001%

has consumed me.

I dont really care about anything else.

If one of my children died

I would soothe myself through song.

If I lost one of my arms

I would console myself through song.

If I couldn't sing.

I would

DIE!!

I'm terrified.

Please help me make it through with everything I hold dear

Attatched.

My life is nothing with song.

My heart is nothing without melody.



My 26 year old Birthday wish list

http://www.etsy.com/listing/67870339/antique-skeleton-key-necklace-dark-red

This AMAZING Skeleton Key Necklace!! 

Nothing Bundt Cake. 

(even though I wont be able to eat it b/c of my surgery)

Gerbera Daisies.

They are absolutly My FAVORITE!!

The complete first season of Glee!

:)

Feel Free to buy my one of all of these!!

haha 

I wish. 

I guess thats why they call it a "wish" list. 

My 30 year old "Bucket List"

 My Birthday is coming up soon. 

I'm going to be 26 on March 6th. 

To me 26-29 are in between ages.

Your not a young 20something. 

But your definitely not 30.

So I was reading another blog and she had a list of goals 

http://www.nicoleelkington.com/30-by-30/

She wants to do by age 30.

a Bucket List of sorts. 

So I have been thinking A lot 

About what would be on my 30 by 30 "Bucket List"

So here goes. 

1. Pick up a strangers bill at a resturaunt. 

2. See a Hump Back Whale

3.Get up before the sun Rises everyday for a month

4. Commit to Recycle for a whole year

5. Bird Watch in the Bayou

6. Buy my first house

7. get and stay on a budget. 

8. Throw a Black tie affair

9. Take a Journalism Class

10. Go on a Mediterranean Cruise

11. Meet someone that is 100 years old 

12. Be a Mentor

13. Write a cook book

14. Climb Mt. Sneffles in Western Colorado (14,000 ft)

15. Plan a Suprise party for my husband

16. Go Back To NYC

17. Take my kids to Disney World

18. Go on a Family vacation. Somewhere there isn't family.

19. Write in a Journal everyday for a year

20. Go Christmas Caroling

21. Pick up the Violin again

22. Take Guitar Lessons

23. Write a song

24. Tell my husband something sweet. Everyday. Forever

25. Tell someone my Story of Surviving Suicide 

26. Study Buddhism

27. Go to Therapy and actually take something away from it. 

28. Sing the National anthem at a Montrose high school football game

29. Take Jason to a Broncos Game

30.Make a Loan on Kiva.Org 

(I totally stole #30 from Nicole but its something that I have been wanting to do!)

So my 30th birthday is going to be on March 6th 2015

I'll be marking these off my list in no time!!

Zach Wahls Speaks About Family

I was reading Perez Hilton's Blog tonight.
I came across these 2 videos. Ellens first and then I decided to google Zach Wahls.
His video has had over 1.5 million hits since it was posted.
He is so elequent. So Smart. So incredibly normal.
He was raised by 2 women. I am 100% pro-love.
I think we should be able to chose who we companion with.
Who we love. Regardless of our sexual orientation.
I feel like there is always an injustice. An Imbalance.
We live in the FREEIST Country in the World.
And yet we cant even chose who we marry.
Its sobering. Its a travesty.

Chose Love. Fight for Love. 

I am so overwhelmed right now.

ITs so windy outside.

I'm sitting here on a wednesday afternoon

Just trying to make it through the day without getting back in bed.

I am really bad about that. Especially when I'm feeling low.

Lady E is at school and So is X

I have to go pick Lady E up at 3

which is in 45 minutes. I promised her icecream on the way home.

She is so sweet. She can always tell when i'm feeling low. 

She wouldnt leave my side this morning.

She can always make me feel better!

Have you heard the Ben Folds Song "You dont know me"

I love it .

It is my Anthem right now.

I feel like no one knows who I am. The real Kat!

"If I'm the person that you think I am"

you are probably very very mistaken.

I am not deep. But not Shallow.

I'm traditional but non-complient

I'm not happy, but I'm not sad.

I smile when I want to cry

and Cry when I should be smiling.

I have Diarrhea of the mouth.

I am unsensored and crass.

I guess I am a little bit of everything

I get what I want. Not really caring if I get what I need.

I like to be hugged.. I love hugs.. I love the feeling of arms tightly wrapped around me in

my times of need.

I want a hug right now. so i'm going to go snuggle me some BB AK.

One more thought On v-day

Thanks John Lennon

Your songs and beliefs

With and without the beatles

Inspire us to

LOVE AND BE LOVED

They remind us to 

Imagine a world

of peace

and strive for it

They Remind us to be

Sincere in our dealings with eachother

And be Kind.

Your Right.. 

All WE need is Love

it makes the world

A much better place.