{Insert FacePalm Here}

As you may have noticed 

it's been quite a while since my last post. 

Well, Its not out of Laziness

Or Writers block.

Its out of pure timelessness!!

I posted a month or so ago about my husband 

quitting his job.

Well its been a while so I thought.

"I'll get a job to help out"

WHAT WAS I THINKING??

I am 26 years old and have maybe worked a total of 3 part time years

Since I was old enough to work. 

By part time I mean like once or twice a week for 3 years TOTAL!!

-Insert Laughter here-

I know. 

I have been amazingly blessed with a husband

who works hard to make sure his family doesnt go without

We wanted for nothing. 

Always had money for this or that. 

 

Well I started my full time job last wednesday 

I have worked a total of 31 hrs since then. 

doesnt seem like alot to you?

  Well its a lot to me.

You may think

"well you were a stay at home mom for 8 years thats a job in and of itself"

your right it is a job.,

But If I had a boss I would have been canned after sleeping in until 11.

feeding my kids cold cereal every morning 

and forgetting to do laundry for a week or so.

{Worst SAHM EVER!}

My feet hurt. My back hurts.

My brain hurts and I am so tired I could go to bed right now

and sleep until Sunday.. 

I know, I know. 

Whiner Whiner Whiner.

Go ahead call the WHAAAAMBULANCE I would appreciate a 

involuntary committal to a nut house!!

I'm schedualed to work 39 hours this week. 

 Bring it on. 

I think..

Grrrrr...

It's a good thing these three

are so Lovely. 

Or I might KILL myself!!

Just a run down,

The Big boy is my son

Xander

The little lady is my daughter

Eliza

And the little baby is my nephew

Austin. 

He is refusing to go to sleep

because he misses his mom and dad.

Oh the hardships of a 10 month old.. 

Sigh..

Life...

Or something Like it..

So was just kind of reading through my blog

and realized the last 10 or so posts

have just been me bitching about 

how bad my life sucks..

Whaaaa whaaaa whaaaa

Bitch

Moan

Wine. 

So instead of going with the theme of it all

I decided that tonight I will get back to the things I am TRULY Happy about..

On March 2nd my husband quit his job.

{total life buZz kill if you ask me}

But it actually has been the best thing 

to happen to our family in a long time

He has spent the last 5 years underground Coal Mining. 

Spending a year and a half of that time

Commuting back and forth from either Colorado or Wyoming/

Which is between a 3 and 5 hr commute for him.

He would leave Sunday afternoon and come home 

Friday morning. 

Needless to say I only saw him 2 and a half days a week,.

It was so hard on us.

Our kids

and just life in General.

So after much discussion he quit. 

I am so glad he is here.

our kids are happy he is here. 

Life is just so much better now.

WE are still jobless. Moneyless. Lifestyless

But We are Together. 

I'm Just feeling extremely blessed about everything. 

Plus I got a job.

Not the most Glamorous job for a Grown Women 

But a job. 

And Jason is SOOO excited about being the stay at homer now

Until he finds a job.. 

Heres hoping he is a better Mom

than I am. 

Or my kids are IN TROUBLE!! 

♥

gah.

Ambien makes  me crazy when i stay up...
I think i need to go to bed before i start
seeing imagniariums that are imaginary.
but before I go to sleep my wounds away.
I must share some wisdom from the parts of
my brain that comes alive when i speak.

The heart knows that the heart knows.
But the brain knows everything.
listen to the heart with restraint. it only wants to destroy you.
Listen to the brain with reason and understanding.
It wants to nourish your body with pure things.
I only want pure things.

Feeling

meh. gah. omg. wtf.

I am amazing.. 

Dont forget it.

Something More!!

Ever feel like you deserve more than what you get out of life?

Not in the "i'm superior" I'm better than you

so I deserve more than you.

But in the I'm a good person 

and the only thing that happens to me is Shit.

I just want to scream at the top of my lungs

"THERE HAS GOT TO BE SOMETHING MORE!"

Dear Life..

"PAY UP SUCKA"

Life.

Dying for something sacred.

Is worth More than Living for nothing.

My life might not mean anything

but my Death will mean everything

hrmm..

I am struggling today.

Feeling OVERwhelmed and UNDERappreciated..

I wish that there was a way that it could be the other way around.

You know, UNDERwhelmed and OVERappreciated

I went to a little thing the other night

about Motherhood.

we talked about everything from

the guilt we feel

to the joy that we get..

To be perfectly honest

I dont really feel guilty about my parenting.

I feel like my kids are going to be okay.

Xander Cries alot, Eliza can be down right mean.

But you know.

They are going to grow up just the way they are meant too.

But I can say one thing.

I HATE motherhood..

I love bieng a mom.

But I hate all the other parts that come with it

I wish I could just snuggle with my kids.

laugh with them

kiss them and get kissed.

I wish I could trade the long nights in for other things

The cries and whines for laughter.

I wish it were easy.

I wish it weren't thankless.

I wish i felt peace and satisfaction from it

But i dont.

I'm tired. Overwhelmed. unsatisfied.

Whats the matter with me?

Anyone else out there with the same sentiments?

Does anyone else out there wish their kids could call them Auntie instead of Mommy.

Wish That the love was there and less of the responsibility to rear Capable human biengs?

As a Mom we wear many hats.

Cab Driver, Chef, Maid, Therapist, Guiding light,

Nurse, Coach, Teacher..

I wish I could take them all off now and again

and Let my hair down.

I know who I am when I'm not around my kids.

I'm Kat

But when I'm around them..

I'm Mom.

Motherhood is HARD!!!

Wishing for a Break.