I hate days like today..

Feeling

hush a bye

Don't you cry



Amy Winehouse...

sad day  RIP

Dear Female Population........

Over the age of 8

Side Ponytails are for 

chidren and 80's pop stars..

Please refrain from them..

You look like an idiot..

you are not on the set of

Napoleon Dynamite

You are not wearing 

a Warm up suit

or Leg Warmers..

Please be kind 

to man kind

and center the pony

in the back of you head..

That Is all...

Please Leave a message after the beep..

I'm feeling completely disconnected

From my soul

Heart

Mind

Body

I feel overwhelmed with 

grief that I cannot trace back to the source

I am having nightmares

and bad dreams

Waking up in sweats scared to close my eyes 

too scared to be taken away 

into the night of my dreams

Where I am being 

chased by creatures of the night

and Death

Where the boat to the underworld

is ready for me to board.

I can feel myself dissengaging

Folding myself inward

hiding.

Dissassociation

dismissal of me

and the return of the scared little girl

I hide so well inside

I need a flashlight..

To shine the light on

What I know isnt really there..

I know I should be asleep..

But I cant give into it..

Secrets

Shhh

Tell me all of your secrets

And I'll share mine too

I'm a girl of many pasts

The one who did and didn't do 

more than one cares to admit..

I spend my days

Dreaming of a better life..

Secret #1

I love my kids more than anything in this world.

they are the reason I breath,..

But I hate being a mother.

Secret #2

I'm terrified I'm going to be just like my mother

Lonely, Angry

with a feeling of entitlement

that isnt deserved

I don't want to be her

But  shes knocking on my door.

Secret #3

I secretely wish I could have 2 nights 

to do whatever I want.

To be single 

To be free

To do what I want

and have no consequences.. 

Secret #4

I wish I was brave enough

to kill myself.

I hate who I am

Who I was suppose to be

breaths down my neck

and every opportune moment 

I have, I pray for bravery

So I can make the leap to 

nonethingness

Secret #5

I don't know 

If I really believe in god

I say I do,

I pray I do..

But really I dont know.

I've never felt the light of Christ.. 

Secret #6

I would rather be drunk then be sober

Without the Hangover...

Now I told you 6 of mine, 

You have to tell me 6 of yours.. 

Ready

Set

Go

Extraordinarily Ordinary..

=)

 

I'm feeling Ordinary today

I dont feel sad

I dont feel overwhelmed

I dont feel fat

I dont feel thin

I dont feel like sleeping

I dont feel like crying

or screaming

Or throwing myself off of a cliff

I feel like me..

Which is Extraordinary for me

So today, 

I'll be just that

Extraordinarily Ordinary

When I wake up.

I want to be 100lbs lighter

With Whiter teeth

with prettier hair

with the ability to

perfect Motherhood. 

When I wake up

I want to march to my own beat

I want to paint a picture of

where I use to be. 

When I wake up

I want the summer to burn my face

The birds to Sing in my ear

and be Warm with Perfect Grace

When I wake up

I want to be strong enough to hold on tighter

Be brave enough to fight longer

When I wake up

I want to remember

who I was

Remember What I was

And forget the things I am never going to be

When I wake up I want 

you to kiss me on the forehead

and pull my eyelids shut.. 

When I wake up

I want to be relieved from the fright

the pain

the horror of my thoughts

I want to be lifted into light

When I wake up,

Don't Cry for me.

I'll wake up with peace and serenity

I'm laying down to be forever gone

Dont miss me too much.. 

Because When I wake up. 

I'll be where I was meant to. 

Where Purity and Honesty

Compassion and dignity 

hold true.

I'll be pure..