Obsessed.

I dont know if you have ever watched this show. 

It is AMAZING

It higlights people that suffer from 

Mental disorders. 

OCD

OCTD

AGORAPHOBIA

TRICHOTILLOMANIA

as well as many others. 

Well anyway 

I totally had one of those weekends

It was like the whole world was crashing on my head

I was so consumed with fear and death 

all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die.

I was getting to the point with my 

OCTD(obsessive compulsive thinking disorder)

that I was afraid to breath. 

I was afraid that I was going to breath in 

some sort of Bio-Chemical agent 

that was going to kill me.

I spent all night NYE crying my eyes out.

I completly convinced myself that I wasnt going

to wake up in the morning.

I told my husband to leave me and take the kids

So they wouldnt find me dead the next day.

I don't know what triggered it. 

All I know is that i was literally 

OBSESSED

with the idea that I was going to die.

I was ready to end my life

before my life could end me. 

I prayed for peace. 

I cried for mercy 

and I hoped for death. 

I am thankful I made it through. 

That I finally cried myself to sleep

and woke up at peace the next day. 

I am hoping that I can find something

that will help me NEVER go through that again. 

Because I dont know if I will make it through

another crazy night like that.